No dream is ever too big. But, the catch is that our faith and our belief has to match our desire. The only reason people don’t achieve what they desire is that they don’t believe that they can. They look at their dream as something so far away in a fairyland that they’ll never get to, but every dream is possible if you believe that it is.
You Can't Fix What You Won't Face
Every minute, of every hour, of every day is a chance to start over and a chance to do better than you’ve done previously. But, anything that weighs on you, anything that troubles you, anything the challenges you, you cannot conquer nor make better until you’re willing to face it. The funny thing is usually once we address the things that weigh on us they never seem as big as we made them seem when we didn’t want to address them. So, go out there and address your day. Go out there and make it the day you want it to be.
Making New Roads
In life, we seem to think there are rules, but really they are more like guidelines. Things that might have worked for someone else, but may not necessarily work for you.
I watch as people get so frustrated with themselves because they aren’t on the schedule they have placed on their life, or can’t make their life plans work. They frustrate themselves trying so hard to live up to unreal expectations. Expectations that lead them to feelings of failure, that then lead to feelings of depression.
The days of“Father Knows Best” have past. We now live in a time of “woman in the office,” “same-sex marriages,” “single-parent households,” “multicultural adoptions,” “stay at home father’s,” and let’s not forget the internet. So, how can we think that we can follow those same old maps without making a couple of new roads of our own?
Life is what you make it, not what someone told you it had to be. So, be easy on yourself. You are a pioneer forging new territory. Yes, there are road maps to guide you, but now and then you have to make a new road, and claim new territory.
Are you making new roads?
Love and blessings in divine order,
Stacye
A Friend
We are all so quick to call someone our friend when in actuality most of us have one or two friends, and several acquaintances and people that we know or know of.
Many people don’t often understand what friendship is. There are times we are disappointed, and our feelings are hurt because someone doesn’t show us friendship in the way that we think that they should. But, what we have to take into consideration is who we think that person is in our life, and who they think we are to their life. We also have to take into consideration if that person truly understands what friendship is.
Friends are people share experiences and your life's journey with. Friendship is about being there for each other, being supportive of each other through the good times as well as the challenging time. A friend goes through the good times with you and cheers you on even if what you are doing in not their cup of tea, and will be there in the challenging times to pick you up and dust you off without criticism. Friends are not jealous. Friends are supportive and want the best for you, and try to help you to achieve the happiness you desire.
A friend is there to lift you up and to encourage you, and not run off like a little roach when the lights come on when times get tough. They will be there to help sooth your wounds and give you the fuel needed to push forward.
It’s critical to know who you allow in your life, and the role they will play in your life, as well as the role that they wish for you to play in theirs. The most important thing about real friendship that you have to remember is that you can’t expect from someone else what you are not willing to give and have a successful friendship.
Do you know how to be a friend?
Love and blessings in divine order,
Stacye
Song of the day: “A Friend” - The Winans (featuring Teddy Riley & Aaron Hall)
Waiting for Who Is Right For You
If you are over the age of twenty-one, you have experienced a break-up. With that breakup came pain, heartache, and the thought that you could not possibly love again. But, the thing is that one day you will have the privilege to love again. The trick is knowing when you are truly ready to love again.
It's very easy at the end of a relationship to want to seek out companionship. It’s natural to want someone to help you to ease your pain. The problem is that most people don't take the time to heal from their previous relationship. They are moving forward into a new relationship just not to be alone. Whether they have healed their broken heart or not.
It is an unfortunate part of life that many people suffering from a broken heart don't take the time to heal and mend their wounds, but worse when they do find a new relationship they usually choose the wrong person. They choose the person for the right now, instead of choosing the right person. It’s easy to pick the person for the right now, the person who helps to ease the loneliness even when everything in them tells them the person they have chosen to help ease their pain and make them feel better isn’t the right person for them. But, in the long run, usually, what they have done is welcomed more drama into their life.
After a breakup, it's important the take the time to heal. It's important to acknowledge where you are and how you got there. It’s always easy to find the person for the right now, and although it is more of a challenge, it is much more rewarding to wait for who is right for you.
Love and blessings in divine order,
Stacye
Falling Out of Love
Falling out of love can be seen many ways. Love is very complicated and scary. Many times we block the true blessings that come from the experience of being in love, because we have such high and sometimes-unrealistic expectations of what we think a relationship should be like.
I don't think that if you really love someone that you ever stop loving them. What we sometimes forget is that everyday we are changing and growing. In a perfect world sometimes we are fortunate enough to grow with the person we in a relationship with, but unfortunately sometimes we grow apart from them.
In life there is no such thing as failure. All that is required is that you put forward your best possible effort, and whatever the outcome of your situation you have to believe in the long run it will be for your greater good. It’s never pleasant when a relationship becomes uncomfortable or difficult, and you feel as though you no longer want to be in the relationship. But, that feeling of discomfort can come with growing and changing.
First and foremost if you really and truly are in love with someone all you can and should ever want if for their happiness, even if their happiness is not with you. You can’t make someone want to be with you and you shouldn’t want to. You should want to be where you are celebrated and not tolerated. Because, loving someone means that you unconditionally want their happiness. All you can do is embrace what was, be grateful for the experience, and move forward in your life. That is not to say that you shouldn’t make an effort to make things right in your relationship, but once you know that you have made the effort, and things are still not working, then it’s time to be honest with yourself and your partner. So, that you each can move forward to finding the true happiness that you both deserve.
There is no doubt that if you love someone the lost of your relationship is going to hurt, and it’s important to acknowledge the lost. You have to look at your situation honestly and acknowledge your contribution–good and bad. Sometimes when you look at things honestly it’s possible see that you have grown apart, and that not being together might be the best thing for both of you.
The reality is that you cannot find happiness for yourself hanging onto what was. Sometimes the ending of a relationship is a positive thing, because it is preparing you for the amazing relationship that awaits you.
Are you in the relationship that you want to be in and if not why not?
Love and blessings in divine order,
Stacye
Song of the day:“Too Much, Too Little Too Late”- Johnny Mathis, Deniece Williams
You Get What You Ask For
Each of us can say that at one point or another we have prayed to God and asked for something. It could have been for a spouse, a job, a house, or a car. Changes came in your life that you didn’t understand, and didn’t resemble what you expected. You looked at your life and thought to yourself, but “I prayed to God.” The question is, do you really know what you asked fo
Many times in our efforts to change our lives in what we hope will be a positive way we make our list, we say our prayers, and we wait. Soon things begin to happen, and they don’t look like what we think they should look like, or even the way we wanted them to look. In turn we become frustrated and sometimes begin to lose faith. What we never take into consideration is “How we asked for what we said we wanted, and what exactly we ask for?”
What you didn’t realize is that you showed up with your list, and your rules and regulation of how you felt things should be. It isn’t that your prayers weren’t heard. It’s in how you asked, and you expectations of how you feel things should be. If you really look at your situation closely you probably got exactly what you asked for.
Sometimes we want what we want so badly, that we don’t realize that we are not always positive in our asking. The mistake we make is that we start in the negative. The negative is not so much in our list of what we want, but in the constant talking about what we don’t want, instead of focusing on what we want or need.
No matter what it is that you desire, your focus should always be on what you desire. You should not focus on, or constantly talk about the things that you don’t want in your life. In the asking, first and foremost you should always ask for what is best for you, and that it comes at the right time, in the right way. Things may not always come the way that you expect them to, but they always come the exact way they are supposed to.
How are you asking for what you want?
Love and blessings in divine order,
Stacye
Song of the day: “He Hears Me” - Hilary Weeks
CD: The Collection
The Rebound and the Bandage
It’s funny when a love affair is over how we don’t take care of ourselves like we should. We find ourselves lonesome, in need of attention, and sometimes we end up in situations that we very quickly realize we would have been better off without. We end up on the rebound.
The thing about the rebound that we have to remember is that it’s one of the most unfair things we can do to ourselves and another person. We are bringing someone a wounded and incomplete person with baggage that hasn’t been dealt with. We are in most cases still missing, and far too often still think about the person we just separated from. We are bringing them exactly what we don’t want someone to bring to us–a person who is not emotionally available to be in a relationship.
When the heart is wounded, just like any other part of the body it needs time to heal, and mend. That is not something that happens over night. A broken heart, just like a scrap on the knee, feels and looks better with each day. Until one day we wake up, and it doesn’t hurt as bad. The wound has healed, but you are still left with your memories that can sometimes be painful.
There are many things you can use to help the healing along, like spending time with family, good friends, or taking in some culture. You can finish a project or projects that you have been putting off. You can maybe even get a second job. There is nothing like keeping busy to make the time pass. Because, just like any other wound the bandage is good for a while, but then you need to take the bandage off to let the wound get some air.
There is no telling how long a wound will take to heal, but the fairest thing you can do for yourself, and the next person you want to be in a relationship with is to heal, so that we can give them your best.
Do you heal or rebound?
Love and blessings in divine order,
Stacye
The Game of Love
We each desire to love and be loved, but it isn’t always so easy to obtain what we desire. There is no one roadmap, but many that show us different ways of how to go about finding and being in a relationship. We see a behavior and we repeat the behavior. We keep trying to repeat the same patterns over and over again, and when they don’t work we want to know why. What we forget is that each person and each relationship is different, and although there can be some similarities no two people or relationships can ever be alike.
We want to believe that there is this one magical solution for a successful relationship, but there isn’t. We want finding someone to be easy, and we want the relationship to be easy. But, love is no different than the playing your favorite sport. To be good at it or to get to the play-off’s it takes a lot of hard work, dedication, and focus.
Love is no different than Basketball, you can’t win the game by yourself. If you have ever played a sport you know that it requires practice, discipline, trial and error, research, learning your teammates strengths and weaknesses as well as your own, observation, communication, and dedication, but most of all it takes team work.
We can all have the relationship that we desire, but it requires that we put as much effort into the finding and maintaining of the relationship as we would any other goal that we would work to achieve.
Are you showing up to the game to win?
Love and blessings in divine order,
Stacye
Song of the day: “Darling Dear” - The Jackson 5
CD: Third Album
The Taker
We each know someone, or we may be the person who never offers, never extends himself or herself, never invites, and usually won’t think to help someone else –“The Taker.”
I am always fascinated with the person who continues to take in some form or another fooling themselves into thinking that they are getting something for nothing, or that they are in some way getting over on someone. The truth is that nothing in life is ever really free, and at the end of the day, we all pay in one way or another.
Generosity is learned, but more importantly generosity is what continues the cycle for each of us to receive. When you give–you always in some way receive. The biggest thing that “The Taker” fails to understand is how their behavior is affecting their life. “The Taker is usually the person that in most cases things don’t go well for, and they don’t realize it’s because they are not making deposits into the karmic bank.
We are each here at this time to learn from each other and to help one another other. There are those that mistake kindness for weakness, but really what they are doing is missing the opportunity to learn generosity of heart and being apart of someone else’s tithings, but in addition by in not doingfor or giving to others they stop their own receiving.
It is not about giving to get. It is about giving from the heart without expectation, and knowing that you will always have enough, and you will always get what you need.
Are you a Taker?
Love and blessings in divine order,
Stacye
Song of the day: “ You GotA Friend” - James Taylor
The Student and the Teacher
Many times we end up in relationships and we can’t understand why the other person does or doesn’t do something. We assume that they know better, but what we forget is that everybody has a back-story, those events from their past that have help to shape and mold who they have become.
We all assume that everyone has been taught the same etiquette. Not just how to behave in public or using their napkin, but how to treat others, especially the person that they are romantically involved with. What most of us were never taught is that with each new person that you bring in to your life you become the student and the teacher.
As the student it’s important that you pay attention in class, because there is always something to learn from and about your new teacher. If you observe carefully they will tell you more about themselves without ever having to open their month.
As the teacher you have to not only show up as yourself, but you must teach the other person how to treat you. You can’t assume that they know anything, because if they fail a test you are the only one to blame for not supplying your student with all the information needed.
We always assume that someone knows how to treat or talk to us, but truth is you can’t know what you’re not taught.
Are you being a good student and a good teacher?
Love and blessings in divine order,
Stacye
Song of the day: “Teachme” - Musiq Soulchild
CD: Luvanmusiq
The Rebound and the Bandage
It’s funny when a love affair is over how we don’t take care of ourselves like we should. We find ourselves lonesome in need of attention, and sometime end up in situations that we very quickly realize we would have been better off without. We end up on the rebound.
The thing about the rebound that we have to remember is that it’s one of the most unfair things we can do to ourselves and another person. We are bringing someone a wounded and incomplete person with baggage that hasn’t been dealt with. We are in most cases still missing, and far too often still think about the person we just separated from. We are bringing them exactly what we don’t want someone to bring to us–a person who is not emotionally available to be in a relationship.
When the heart is wounded, just like any other part of the body it needs time to heal, and mend. That is not something that happens over night. A broken heart, just like a scrap on the knee, feels and looks better with each day. Until one day we wake up, and it does hurt as bad. The wound has healed, but you are still left with you felt no longer exist.
There are many things you can use to help the healing along like spending time with family, good friends, or taking in some culture. You can finish a project or projects that you have been putting off. You can maybe even get a second job. There is nothing like keeping busy to make the time pass. Because, just like any other wound the bandage is good for a while, but then you need to take it off to let the wound get some air.
There is no telling how long a wound will take to heal, but the fairest thing you can do for yourself, and the next person you want to be in a relationship with is to heal, so that we can give them your best.
Do you heal or rebound?
Love and blessings in divine order,
Stacye
Song of the day: “Betterman” - Musiq Soulchild
Love Is Forever
So many times I hear people saying they don’t love someone anymore, but the reality is that love lives forever, it’s only the relationship that has ended.
I think that it’s unfair to require a definition on our feelings toward our past relationships just because we are no longer in them. Friends and family alike and even sometimes our new relationship want to hear us say that we not only don’t love our former love, but that we hate them. And, I have to ask why? Why is it necessary to reduce a relationship to nothing, as though the relationship never meant anything to you, or made you happy?
Nothing is meant to last forever, and for that reason it’s important to remember that our relationships are part of our journey and growth. Yes, sometimes relationships can hurt, but if there hadn’t been some joy you wouldn’t have been there. People change, and grow, and sometimes they grow apart. Just because you no longer want to be with someone or they no longer want to be with you it’s no reason to harbor resentment. You have to appreciate what you received from the relationship and move on.
I always like to believe that I received whatever I was supposed to from the any experience I have, or relationships I have been in. When the experience or relationship has ended I know that the Universe is making way for me the have new experiences and relationships. I take what I’ve learned to hopefully do better and be better in the future. Yes, things have happened to me that have hurt my feelings, but those things don’t change the love I have, they just help me to better understand who I’m dealing with, and the things I do and don’t want in my life.
There is a difference between loving someone, and being in love, but at the end of the day if you love someone, then you love them. And, really loving someone means wanting the best for them and their happiness even if that means them not being with you.
Love and blessings in divine order,
Stacye
Song of the Day: “My Love Is Forever” - Prince
The Wounded Heart
The heart beats strongly and loves deeply, but it is fragile. It can so easily be wounded and bruised. Sometimes, we go into relationships that nourish us, heal us, and enrich our lives. There are other times when we go into relationships hoping that they will nourish and heal us, and yet we come away feeling more depleted and wounded than when we went in.
What I have found important to remember is that in those relationships that have hurt you, that cause you to feel wounded and depleted in reality aregiving you greater gifts than you could have imagined. You have been given the gift of knowledge and experience, which are irreplaceable and incredibly invaluable. Without realizing it you are stronger. Because, when you look back at those moments when you thought you couldn’t go on, and look at yourself in the present, you can see that you not only made it through the experience, but you are stronger andbetter off for the experience.
Are you appreciating your wounds?
Love and blessings in divine order,
Stacye
Song of the day: “You Better Not Hurt Me” – Carol Riddick
A Time To Remember
There are so many that will not be here with us this holiday for many different reasons. Let us hold them in our hearts, and in our prayers.
For those that have transitioned we will forever have our memories of them, and those that are in the ongoing conflictlet us all pray that they are able to have the best holiday possible, and for their safe and speedy return home.
Let us each find and share the love in our hearts with those that are with us, and make the most of our time together. The gifts and all are great, they’re the gravy, but the holidays areabout sharing love, that’s the real meal.
Are you remembering the love?
Song of the day: “Christmas Just Ain’t Christmas , New YearsAin’tNew Years Without The One YouLove ” - “ The O’Jay’s”
CD of The Day : “HomeForChristmas”
Baby Mama , and Baby Daddy
Almost all of us at one point or another has or will be with someone who has children. With that child comes another parent. It’s usually an awkward relationship a parent trying to balance what was with what is, and the person they’re with not always understanding that they have become apart of an existing family. Because, whether two people are together or not, when they have a child they will always be family.
What is real, is we all have families, mothers, father’s, brother’s, sister’s and children. When we go into a relationship we have to remember that we are not just in a relationship with that person, but the people in their life. Just as we extend ourselves to have good relationships with the children, mother, father, sister, and brother we should extend ourselves to having a good relationship with the other parent of their child.
Some may say he or she is this or that. No one is saying that you have to be the best of friends, but nowhere is it written that you have to be enemies. Now, it’s one thing if you know they are not nice to your child or you know they are doing something that you don’t approve of. But, a lot of time that isn’t the case it’s just people being funky because for some reason they think they’re suppose to.
The world is in an interesting place we have more single parents than ever before. Our children need to see kindness to learn how to give it. I am always saddened when I see or hear a woman not wanting her child to see their father because she doesn’t like the new wife or girlfriend, or a man not wanting another man coming to their house to pick up a child. All that is, is unnecessary pride. Just like a parent saying unkind things about the other parent in front of or to a child. There simply is no need. There is enough negativity in the world a child shouldn't have to hear it at home.
When a relationship with the parents is over. All you can do is wish the other person well, and want the healthiest relationship possible for your children. If your “Ex” is with someone who loves and cares for your child–it is a blessings. There is no need to be jealous, you can never be replaced. Your child is reaching the blessing of not living out a Cinderella nightmare with an evil stepparent, but has another person who loves and cares about them.
Are you loving your extended family?
Love and blessings in divine order,
Stacye
Song of the day:“Family”- Dreamgirls (Original Broadway Cast Album - 1982)
Moving Past The Pain
When a relationship has ended it’s very similar to a death, and in many ways it is. A person that you care about is no longer in your life. You have loss something and someone that was important you. Like any loss you will continue on with your life, and each day the pain will seem to hurt less and less, but in the immediate you hurt.
Through each of our lives we will experience the loss of a loved one either physically, emotionally or both. The hardest task for most is to figure out what to do next, and how to not hurt. The two main reasons that hold a persons back from healingafter the ending of a relationship are that they first– are trying to not feel love for the other person because they believe in the myth that if they are no longer together then they can no longer be friends, and the second–is that like anything else in life you have to find and give gratitude for the good things and the lessons that came from the relationship, as well as the loss of the relationship.
There are many reasons why a relationship may end. No one has to be right or wrong, but when you can look back on the relationship honestly it will make all the difference in the world on how you move past the hurt. Sometimes, it is hard to see through the pain that a relationship might not have been good for you, that it might have been holding you back from being your best self, or that it wasn’t the best thing for either of you. When you can look at the relationship as it really was, and not the fantasy you painted in your imagination, you’ll find the grieving period will be much shorter. Many times we are holding onto the fantasy of what we hoped would be, and we allow that fantasy to get in the way of our healing.
There is no right or wrong amount of time to grieve a loss of any kind. The end of a relationship is in it’s own way a death, and the mistake that most of us make is that we don’t allow ourselves time to grieve. At the end of anything that is important to you, you have to allow yourself time to grieve and process your loss. But, unlike a death you cannot continue to only see the good in the relationship, and not acknowledge the things that were unpleasant in the relationship. Continuing to do that will prolong the pain and never allow you to move forward.
Just as you have to allow yourself time to grieve from your loss you have to allow yourself time to adjust to the change, because all that has really happened, is the dynamics of your life have changed. You must adjust to where you are in the present, so that you can move peacefully to where you want to go in the future.
Love and blessings in divine order,
Stacye
Song of The day: “I Can’t Get Over You “ - Frankie Beverly &Maze
The Game of Love
We each desire to love and be loved, but it isn’t always so easy to obtain what we desire. Many of us learn how to be in relationships by the examples set by our families, friends and sometimes the media. But, we didn’t all see loving or healthy examples. We repeat the same patterns we’ve witnessed over and over again, and when they don’t work we want to know why. What we forget is that each person and each relationship are different, and although there can be some similarities no two people or two relationships can ever be alike.
We want to believe that there is this one magical solution to a successful relationship, but there isn’t. We want finding someone to be easy, and we want the relationship to be easy, but the game of love is no different thenplaying your favorite sport. To be good at the game, or to get to the play-offs it takes a lot of hard work, and focus.
Love is no different than Basketball. You can’t win the game by yourself. If you have ever played a sport you know that it requires practice, discipline, trial and error, research, learning your teammates strengths and weaknesses as well as your own, observation, communication, and dedication, but most of all it takes team work.
We can all have the relationship that we desire, but it requires that we put as much effort into the finding and maintaining of the relationship as we would any other goal that we would work to achieve.
Are you showing up to the game to win?
Love and blessings in divine order,
Stacye
Song of the day: “The Game of Love (feat. Michelle Branch)” - Santana
From the book: “It’s All In How You Look At It (thoughts and questions about love and relationships)
The Rut
It’s easy to fall into a pattern. The challenge comes in working to break the pattern. Patterers can come in all areas ofa persons lives. Some of our patterns can be good for us and to our advantage, while others can create problems.
In relationships it’s easy to fall into a pattern of taking our partner for granted. Sometimes because a person gets so caught up in their own going on’s they forget that they have chosen to share the experience of a relationship with another person. The funny thing is that no matter how neglectful a person can become they will expect their partner to be there waiting for that moment when they decide that they are ready to participate in the relationship. The thing that they don’t realize is that they are creating a bigger problem then there needs to be, and in many cases fixing their relationship can become easier said then done.
Each person whether they admit it or not needs some form of attention, affection, companionship and love. It is one of the reasons that we connect with other people. So, how can a relationship last if one or both parties is neglecting the other? Simple – it can’t.
There are many reasons why a couple may not be able to be intimate, but no good reason why they cannot remain affectionate, or pay some sort of attention to each other. So, if your relationship has reached the point where you can no longer be affectionate, than maybe you have reached a point where you are somewhere you no longer need to be.
Being somewhere where you are not happy or where you don’t want to be makes no sense at all. It is only fear that holds a person back, and can make them believe that life cannot be better than where they are.
Relationships are a continuous work in process, but they can and should also bring great pleasure. If you are not in a relationship that makes you happy, lifts you up, and makes you feel good, then you might be in the wrong relationship. If you have reached a point in your relationship where you are going through the motion, then it’s time that you start putting in the workto make things better, or hit the road to find what and who will make you happy, because a relationship without love isn’t really a relationship at all.
Are you willing to do the work?
Love and Blessings in divine order,
Stacye
Fear of Commitment
From time to time the subject of “Commitment Issues” comes up. I notice it’s something that everyone has gone through at one time or another, or they’ve dealt with someone who has them. I thought to myself how do we get past our commitment issues, and how can we help the person that we are involved with get past theirs?
Sometimes a person has a fear of commitment because deep down inside they know that they’re with the wrong person, but sometimes it’s the fear of the possibility of being hurt. We all have a fear of being left or being alone. None of us wants to be hurt. But, there is this thing, a feeling, an emotion, a connection that we all wish to experience. So, like most things we fear if we keep running they're not going to go away, and they won’t go away until we stand up and face them.
Nothing is meant to last forever. None of us even know if we are going to be here tomorrow. So, why not enjoy the right now, and not worry so much about the tomorrow and the what if’s. Why not love in the now the way we ourselves want to be loved? Because, even if it’s only for a year, a month, a week, or a day a little bit of something wonderful is a whole lot better than a lifetime of nothing special at all.
Are you living in fear of commitment?
Love and blessings in divine order,
Stacye
Song of the day: “Silly” - Stacye Branché